Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
