i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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