I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think your dad took our porno
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize