Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
