alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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