The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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