I want to have your abortion
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
