He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
