real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i have two assholes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
