And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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