you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
