I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
