Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I could fuck to npr.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
