Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
