I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
