I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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