Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
