ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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