Me too!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is wine microwaveable?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
