And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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