sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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