Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there's paper in my vomit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
