Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
