Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
