In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
