Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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