i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
