Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
