bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We left the knife in your bed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
