think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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