his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
