Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
