Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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