I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
