my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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