I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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