Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Swine flu. Run for my life!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
