I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
