I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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