Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
