Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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