I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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