she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
