I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
