Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
