Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
