New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
