Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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