i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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