Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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