I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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