Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
