I think my vagina is haunted
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
