Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
