Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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