Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
