I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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