New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
