If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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