tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
