her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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