i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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