Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
