Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
