Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
