Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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