theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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