i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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