my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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