i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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