the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize