people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
