well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
