Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize