saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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