I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
