i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
