"it" just moved
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
