a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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