apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There r osticjed everywhere
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
