is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
