Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
