Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
