The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
