So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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