Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
