U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sober January is a disaster.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
