...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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