i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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