No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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