I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could fuck to npr.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
