Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
