shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
