I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
