the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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