you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
