Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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