zippers are such a cool invention
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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