Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
