my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
