I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
operation have a gay friend backfired
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize