You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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