He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
