she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
