You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
