we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I checked into jail on foursquare
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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